Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Closure.

The trouble with closure is that the actions taken towards it are extreme. I'm sorry to say that but closure is not a gradual process but an immediate, almost band-aid-removal like process. If it isn't sudden, you will never be able to make peace with the decision. Easier said than done really.

The end.

There is not much that I can say really. I think this is a subject that is oft-discussed and oft-dissected. I know for a fact that there was a time when it took me longer and a lot of help to stop thinking about things that were over and done with. These days I'm edging towards get it over with if it is not working for you. The days of the emo dealing with shit are gone. Long past me...

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Lack of a better thing to do

This is just a random post about whatever will come to my mind as I type this out.
First up, is a hot topic of conversation I had today about people. Well, specifically people in your life who you think have some part to play, but it turns out that they are all just little shits with nothing to do except be little shits. Here's how the story goes. You meet someone. You get along, seemingly. You're friends. You're in touch. Then they, or maybe even you, grow out of the whole thing and next thing you know, they bother you. It's sad when it happens, but you have to deal with it. After a point in time, you realise that some people are not meant to be long-timers in your life. You're better off without them. I don't think it hurts as much as it disappoints. See, when someone is a friend, you give them some credit, some benefit of the doubt. When they are no longer meaningful to you, then all of the above-mentioned sympathies vanish almost instantly. When this vanishing business happens, its an effing bitch! Your head will be cramped with all sortsa nonsense. You'll become a crank-infested piece of junk. Sigh. The key, in these situations at least, is to move on and be happy. Somehow, knowing that there are people in this world who love you for what you are and who you are despite everything you do or don't is more than enough to keep you going. The once-in-a-whiles can wait!
I said firstly, I should ideally say second also ille? I'm trying to think of something. I can't think of anything. I do know that I haven't taken too many pictures lately. Part of it has to do with the fact that my present phone, Sony Ericsson (SE) W595, has a turd of a camera. My SE K790i had a cyber-shot camera which was all kinds of kickass. This camera is a little uninspiring. Which is why I will settle for listening to music and not taking pictures. BUT I WANT TO TAKE PICTURES! :( It's a favourite pastime, only after reading though. Nothing beats reading. :)

Ok, I'm bullshitting too much. I'll refrain from it and end this.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Yellow


I have a thing for handbags. The more mental they are, the happier I am. This bright piece is my representation of my love of colour and brightness :) In the distance is Seema, my best friend making a face and further away is Yusuf, the friend of a friend of a friend... :P Take @ GRT Temple Bay, Mahabalipuram

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Amma and some other things also

I haven't written in along time. Not sure why. I could say I was busy, but that is the fuckallest excuse there is in any book. I guess I just didn't have much to say, to anyone or anything for that matter. I'm so bored with things right now that I need a break! I'm tired of this routine to a great extent. Yeah, there's a comment that will get my work place all riled. Sorry, I don't give a shit about that stuff anymore, for as long as I'm in office, clocking time, it means something and makes a difference. However, if I'm going to let the rest of my time get occupied with those few hours, then I'm a dimwit! It's there, but its not everything. There are actually bigger concerns for me at this point in time that I need to think about.

The first being, my mother. She went for a scan last week and the doctor said she needs to get a biopsy done because her uterine lining's thickened. My mother, in her usual over-dramatic shit, is overreacting. I understand that a biopsy is a big word, but it has to be dealt with. The scan results are out and something needs to be done about it. Money needs to be spent. Doctors need to be consulted. Treatments have to be given if it comes down to it. It's a fact and I'd rather have a bit of a sensible patient than someone who's getting a bad case of the jitters. Yeah, my attitude needs an adjustment because its not me dealing with a biopsy, but if my mother is going to fall apart over this then how the hell am I supposed to hold her together?

I'm scared as hell. I'm not sure what the POA is. Sigh.

The next thing, a tad more insignificant, is getting married. My entire family is offended for some reason that they haven't been able to groom hunt successfully enough to find me the man of my dreams and get me married by the time I turned 21. Here I am, halfway to 26 and single. No boyfriend, no fiance. It's a tragic thing too! I mean, what if, in the course of my many drunken and sober misadventures some person who might be potentially interested in marrying me were to see me? I'd never have a future. You never know how word goes around about a young woman's character when she indulges in such behaviour. You never know. I have no idea how to react to that shit. At one point, my ex was most worried that my chances of becoming a mother would be seriously hampered by what he called my drinking habit. He made it sound like I could give Lindsay Lohan a run for her money. So far, I have got pasted beyond belief on November 20, 2009, my 25th birthday. That night, only God knows how much Vodka & Tequila was in my system. Only God knows. The worst part? I remember everything! :|

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

The one-sentence word of praise!

A strange, clear not-quite cobalt blue. Very artless brushstrokes of cloud. A 'leaf green' silhouette. Just one perspective of a Chennai Summer

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Sadness and Madness

And this is my post to inaugurate the month of April. Chennai summer's are here and how have they arrived? With every intention of letting people of this city die by natural causes such as over-sweating during a power cut, heat stroke at 9am, boiling after bathing in the scalding pipe water and so on. I don't want to whine, because I know that this will happen every year, but we had the longest extended winter/spring in '09/'10. I want it back!Well, that aside, I've been having my brain fry days way too frequently lately. As much as I want to not think about things it seems that I will have to. At my age, the only things that people are capable of asking me is, "Are you married? Your parents looking for a boy? These days young girls should go out and find a boy themselves." Now here is my problem with these questions - a) I don't need you, a complete stranger to know what the EFF is going on in my life. b) My parents are well aware of what they should and should not be doing, so back off. c) I really don't need your hypocritical take on what the "younger generation" should be doing.
Ay! So many things seem to tick me off lately. I used to be calmer, but I guess the stress of being around my grandmother who simply doesn't know who I am and insists that I'm a rent-paying occupant of the house hurts way too much. She's taught me the Malayalam I know. She was the first one to teach me hoe to cut veggies and cook something half-edible. She now says, I'm someone who lives there, in my aunt's apartment, who might be a family member but definitely not hers. It hurts. A lot. I hate old age and everything that comes with it. I hate knowing that she will never be able to appreciate the good things that happen for me that she's wished for my whole life, things like my wedding for instance. It bothers me that there are days when she is clear about things, but those days she spends beating her chest and crying over the fact that we, her children and grandchildren, are torturing her by keeping her in Chennai and not sending her to Kerala. She thinks our neighbours upstairs are the ones who look after her better. She sits at hoem alone everyday talking to herself about things that bother her with no one to listen to. Our choices as a family are to either quit out jobs and look after her, or let her deteriorate. I'm not sure what has to be done next. I just hope that she does recognise me before she dies.My friend Mythily posted something about her grandmother too. After reading that I know that no matter how exasperated I get with her, she'll always be my amuma. The only person in the world who knows how to make sambar! :) I miss her cooking, her ability to take a potato and make it taste like some exotic other-worldly food items. I miss so much about her, but mostly I miss my old, spunky, full of memories and stories amuma. I want her back, but she won't be coming back ever.
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In other headlines, I found thissnooping around the cars outside my office. I had to take a picture. I mean, there I was, running to get home and eat dinner and then run to Koyambedu to take a bus to Trichy when I saw Ms Heavily Pregnant Buffalo walking down Chamier's Road as if she owned it. Not bothering that there was traffic that was coming headlong in her direction or that this was not her space. She seemed completely at home, and this is why I love my country. Purely because a real buffalo can metaphorically represent many a dimwit commuter on the roads of my city. ;)
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These shorts, that my brother is very helpfully posing in, used to be a gunny sack for boiled rice. Go recycling! :)

Sh